so im speaking again.

its kinda weird. im speaking probably , to like 50+ kids. scary right? for me at least. im sopposed to tell my testamony and rellay it to how it changed me.

im speaking about maddy too. im scared. i don't talk about the accident alot. and this will be the first real time to tell it to a group of people.

im summing it up with , why wait till someone dies, to start living.

as is , your life could end any day , and your chance to be with god could be gone, so what are you waitin for.

i hope it goes well.

really i do. this kids are a tuff crowd. most new or non believers. im scared. so scared. pray that it does well.

ok well im done. <3

this past weekend was nothing short of what i think hell would be.
 but im not going to go there.


outside. i've been working to death. and it sucks. did my first 'talk' in front of like 75 kids monday. crazy right. scared to death but i did it , and the kids showed there support like whoa. im so lucky.

ches square makes me wanna cry.

blonde , again, love it.

obama (sp) makes me angry a little. but not that much.

getting my car new tires and a detail. yay.

love my sisssy and jesus.

oh oh but story time. i went t eat with my sister, yes who is 17 and pregant. we went out to eat tuesday for lunch and had the rudest server ever. and i get it. he was basicilly profileing us . he paid us no mind, when he sat down with his outher 3 tables and talked to the. after my sister finished her first drink. he picked it up and said you sure do like dr pepper . and walked away pissed. and then when i got done with my salad not eating the tomatoes or onions, he said , next time tell me you don't like them so you don't waste them. i was like seriousllly. im being as polite as i can. but if i was to ever do that my manager would fire me.  i don't have time for that crap. i still tipped him 25 precent cause i can't help but not to. but still don't be rude. it just makes me mad. im a waitress too. and even if someone is an jerk to me i still have to be nice. argh.

my cat deciced jumping off the armor that stands 8 feet tall onto my bed that isn't put together right and, bam, 4am, woken by a half colosapsed bed.
and it wasn't fixable. which me and dee had to find out by trying to fix the stupid thing.
soooo i was lucky enough to go to thrift store USA where they sell metal frames and thank god it was only 40 dollars. yay. and so i still got to use my head board and foot board. joanna came over tonight and put it together for me, so im sleeping in my study, firm bed, with no chance of it falling down. YAY.

today, after campaigners we went to KFC and some of the kids just amaze me sometimes. when i just wanna say f YL and im out i can't do it anymore, these kids give me reason and hope to do it. i love them tons.
but i really don't know what the future of YL holds for me. i have a meeting with nate friday. just to talk about where everything is going with the girls, to touch base.
then next tuesday, me emily and nate and AR have  a meeting. me and emily are scared crazy. like i just think it can't be good. if they ask me to give more time, i can't. i really wanna go to the school, i wanna get more into , but i have a job. i have bills. its soo hard to give time that you don't have. i don't know anymore. i always feel like im not good enough. like im not doing justice to god. that im not made for this. but then nights like tonight change my mind.
agh.
ches sqaure wasn't so bad today. but my head head boss was there. she makes me nervous. ah.

ok so im doing my first talk on march 3rd, i just wrote it.
any of you youth ministers wanna give me feedback. I NEED IT. im scared crazy.
a talk is just a short 10 min sermon.
so please anyone, comment me, i will send it to you. i need feedback.

ok . welp. help me. pray for YL. pray for my meetings. pray for my family. pray pray pray.